With March Madness officially ending, all of you now have countless hours to waste your days. What better than to start your Fantasy Football research. Some of you will open your notebooks and start the endless scrawl of guesses. Others, those with lives, with children, the pending season will broach the frontal lobe briefly, then leave as you have more important things to do. Yet, I am not proposing a ridiculous meditation on 2018 stats or a time-sucking projections exercise. Rather, I say both camps can and should use this time to appropriately evaluate your league and the improvements necessary to increase engagement, entertainment, and overall enjoyment by ALL members. Find the changes you can make to increase the amusement and make those 16 enduring weeks more palatable for even the lowliest of owners in your league. All of us enjoy being a GM for a night when we build our draft board, construct our juggernauts, and leave half in the bag. Our eyes glazed over thinking we built a dynasty not only on our rosters, but as a fantasy football league for the ages. One that would last several years. The reality is there are 4 or 5 members in every league who compete and are interested throughout the year. The remaining 6-8 players lose interest after they start the season 2-4, or worse. By the time week 10 arrives only 4 teams are competing and most of the league no longer sets their roster. By happen stance, the third and fourth place teams are teeing off on each other while the first-place team faces a last place team that is still rolling a broken Jimmy Garoppolo out at QB. Taking it further, the resident 1st place team is a D bag who deserves nothing short of a flaming bag of dogshit on his porch. Tired of the dance? This is the time to Blue Chew your league, pump some blood back into your league and everyone’s enjoyment. By this I mean you need to implement some rules in your league to increase interest and competition. Not necessarily by giving the rest of your league member Blue Chew at the draft, although drafting in a room full of raging boners might be DweezeNutz’s cup of tea. Instead, think about upping the ante for both victory or loss. Not just raising the payouts (though that can help), but also, raising the stakes of humiliation. In my home league we’ve enjoyed 20+ years of engaged fun. In the beginning we had a league member who was constantly wavering on the fence about rejoining each year. After three years of that nonsense, we had to do something to push this cock noggin off the fence one way or another. Our decision, if this member wanted to remain in, he would have to wear a dress at the draft. He chose to remain in the league, and let me tell you, he looked fuck ass ugly in that gown. It was an epiphany for our league. Humiliation was our ticket to a more involved league. Then it was just a matter of the flavor of said humiliation. Take the great example of Steve Shrout, a Texas guy who fulfilled his 2018 loss with grace. This guy had showed up to a dog park covered in peanut butter. We call this commitment and pride. Outside of the viral fool he made of himself, I commend Steve, hats off to you. Use this time of the year to institute some rules in your league that inherently create interest for all 16 weeks. Put some modifications in place where all 12 members of your league will have little choice but to stay engaged, and not necessarily for the money, but out of fear. In my league, through the years, we have refined are rules to the point where the last three finishes have the following:
We do not have playoffs, and yet our league remains active for all weeks, based simply on pride and fear of embarrassment. Put simply, I am recommending you find 12 members of your league who have as much pride and desire as you. Then, tweak the hell out of your rules to the point no one is willing to let their team wither so they are not covered in peanut butter for dogs’ pleasure. Spend this time hard as hell on Blue Chew, and evaluate your league. Push for change. It can be done and will increase entertainment as it does the stakes. For pride and your friends loss of it, I highly suggest you spend this spring pushing for change to your league!
Big Whizz
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July 2019
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