In this series, we are going to burn through each division in football and examine the most over-hyped, over-valued, over-owned piece of fantasy garbage to be found. We’ll look at former studs, presumed values, “up-and-comers” and I’ll tell you why each and every one of them is a firm fuck no for me and why they should be for you, too. Let’s take a look at the hostile AFC West. The Chiefs and the Chargers are solid gold treasure troves of fantasy beauty, scoring in bunches and igniting fantasy playoff berths worldwide. That leaves the dumpster diving Denver Broncos and the league leader in both AARP members and in intentional losses: the Oakland Raiders. After taking a closer look I have isolated my guy, my shit stick, my fuck no, and it is Jared Cook. I present you with 3 reason why I will say “Fuck No” to touching any Jared Cook stocks this year (despite his current TE7 ADP), and why, if you have a brain, you will do the same. Reason 1: Career Year The 2018 Season brought Jared Cook great success. He had career highs in (and averages):
Simply put, many owners this year will be chasing these numbers, paying for the career year that was, instead of the year that is to come. Fantasy football is won based on points yet to be scored, not on points already scored. Wake the fuck up! Reason 2: Context Cook will be 32 years old by the time the season starts. That’s straight up old. Add to that his Unrestricted Free Agent this offseason. That in mind, one of a couple of scenarios are due to transpire in a few months. Scenario #1 - Cook sticks with the Raiders this season. Given the money and draft picks that the Raiders will have in the coming season, the Raiders are nearly certain to upgrade their receiving core. Possibly even trading for the newly available Antonio Brown. Either way there is no fucking way he leads the Raiders in targets again. There WILL be opposing weapons other than the wheelchair-bound Jordy Nelson fighting for targets. Scenario #2 - Cook gets signed by a different team as a free agent. If GM’s are as smart as I think they are, which probably makes me a dumbass, then the only type of team that would sign a 32 year old tight end is a contending team looking for a reliable tight end to give their offense a different wrinkle (see the 2018 Green Bay Packers...see the results there, too, while you’re at it.). It would not be a team signing a 32 year old tight end to be their team leader in targets. Let’s face it, Cook is not the FA savior teams like Buffalo will be looking for. Barring injuries, or a fucking idiot GM, there is no way on Allah’s green Earth that Jared Cook leads a different team in targets in 2019. The peak age for tight ends in 27.43 and in case you’re shit at math, 32 is older than that. Cook is on the decline. Only a few old men tight end can put up elite numbers, and Jared Cook ain’t no Tony mother fucking Gonzalez. Shit he can’t even carry that man’s jockstrap to the hall of fame ceremony in Canton come August. Reason 3: Ummm... It just seems like hanging around all of the old guys on that Raiders roster is really starting to take its toll on Jared Cook as well. The Chucky Effect is in full force! It’s amazing that he had the year he did...you know, that career year we talked about above. He shot his load, and now look at him. No longer the man or player he once was. Let some other fool draft him based on his numbers from 2018 rather than his pending performance for 2019. You can thank me later, or send me some of your winning via Paypal.
The Bullfrog
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July 2019
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